Change. What is it about change that is so hard? For being the only thing that is consistent in our lives, why does it have to be so crippling at times? Is pain really a part of growth? I'm afraid so.
I keep thinking about how it used to be... I guess it goes to show you... do we ever really know? Does one ever TRULY know?
For me I feel like as my life goes on, I most definitely learn A LOT, but right when I think I have it all figured out... I fall. Like a child walking on the same ice patch that forms outside of your childhood door EVERY winter. It's always there, so why do I keep slipping in that same damn spot?!
I think the grieving process is the toughest part of all change... any and all added drama inserted here just intensifies this process IMMENSELY. The loss of a loved one and what was, friendships, as well as potential family members... all feels like many deaths to me.
I wouldn't usually consider myself a sensitive person, but ewwwwwie! Letting go of people I care about has always been one of my biggest struggles. (Ouchie)
Next up, or in parallel, is the questioning phase. Any and all thoughts go through my head.... what if, what if, what if?
But can you change it? Is it meant to be changed? Do things really happen for a reason? Is there a life lesson from this all? Or is it simply putting me where I'm supposed be?
When I figure these things out, I will def let you know, but I have a feeling it'll be quite some time.
When I figure these things out, I will def let you know, but I have a feeling it'll be quite some time.
Luckily I've been blessed with great friends, and an amazing family, who have all been amazingly supportive. I have to remind myself regardless of how hard my battles may seem, someone else out there is battling something much worse. So, be thankful always.
Trying to make peace with the past, leaving it there and focusing on what's in front of me, are the next steps. I'm trying my hardest to take that step forward, but lately I feel stuck.
Until then, one day at a time is all one can do. All with love.
Even tho in times like these we may want life to slow down, it stays ever so busy!
We visited the bestie, Amber, in Portland. What a beautiful place. It's amazing how healing the ocean can be. We visited Multnomah Falls, Cannon Beach and downtown Portland. Miah had a blast and really bonded with Damian and Shi Shi (little Sassy McSasserson). I loved spending time with the bestie and I can't wait until she comes home.
We've been lucky enough to take the trailer and ATVs on a joy ride over Memorial. Vernon Reservoir is where it's at! The children, and adults, had a great time playing in the dirt and shrubbery... and lets not forget the mud!
Our friend Tamara finally got married, lucky girl! We've all been friends for many years... it's so amazing seeing your loved ones find their happiness.
Miah's soccer break lasted all but a month. She's back at it in a couple weeks.
She made the team tho, that's always a plus. She was so nervous about tryouts. It's cute watching her sweat!
She made the team tho, that's always a plus. She was so nervous about tryouts. It's cute watching her sweat!
That time finally came. Miah got her first cavity. She made it 10 years with zero, so I was pretty happy about that, but she was extremely devastated! She cried for an hour straight when the dentist told her she had a cavity. I took her for her filling a few weeks later. I think she learned her lesson. Hopefully no more cavities for her. (Poor Squish)
There's been a couple visits to Wendover and the lovely PRIDE weekend just passed.
It's always fun joining in on the festivities there. It's the one time a year you see most of your fellow homos all in one spot. Lots of craziness and plenty of love. But let's be honest, drama too!
It's always fun joining in on the festivities there. It's the one time a year you see most of your fellow homos all in one spot. Lots of craziness and plenty of love. But let's be honest, drama too!
For some reason there's this sickness that spreads throughout Salt Lakes water and everyone and their dogs end up taking different paths. Then they all run into each other at PRIDE, and, well... what face do you make?
It's time for summer. Sunshine, lakes, camping trips, swim pools, bbqs, family, friends and nice tans. To start it off fresh, we planted a garden... New seeds. New life. New experiences and new opportunities.
Hold on. Trust in life. And watch it sprout. <3
