Some say it's letting go of the hurt; Jesus said to forgive like the Lord has forgiven us. Others say forgiveness isn't necessarily letting go, or actually accepting behaviors, but being aware and making a conscious decision to forgive.
I find myself often struggling with this question and what it should "look or feel" like.
I've been doing some reading and seem to come across the same following beliefs: when we are hurt, saddened or angered by others, it's usually us projecting attributes about ourselves - or our Ego - that are actually doing the damage.
For example, if someone is a liar or a cheat and we react to their actions in a judging/negative way; most times it's because we know there is something in ourselves that mirrors those characteristics. Or... if we have friends who are super successful and we try to negate their success by judgements; it's really because we are upset with ourselves and the fact that we have not created those successes in our lives, too.
It seems like an interesting theory - projection. It makes sense that we would be upset by things we believe to be true for ourselves, yet we have failed to realize, or acknowledge, those thoughts about ourselves.
The Ego also makes sense. We have this voice of knowledge in our head that says things all the time, not realizing all it's doing it trying to protect itself and stay alive.
We tend to associate our self with this Ego and believe it to be true, even at times of extreme disassociation.
Are we our Ego?
Many say we think we are, but we are not!
Is it our Ego that holds us back in humanity? Quite possibly.
I also hear once you've finally forgiven, letting go comes easier. Letting go seems to be one of the most difficult actions for me.
Is it difficult because I have believed this to be true for so many years and it has now become a reality; or is it because I really care?
I believe letting go involves forgiveness but where I struggle is with my loyalty - or my once loyalty to the person I'm letting go of.
I consider my friends my family. My best friends helped raise me - we helped raise each other. All coming from similar backgrounds - single working mothers - all we had was each other.
I think that is where my loyalty not only to my maternal family, but my friend family as well, stems from.
I truly believe we come into and out of people's life for a reason. So why is it so hard letting go when that duty is fulfilled? Or that loyalty is no longer there?
I find myself needing to let go lately, but it remains a struggle.
I got a tattoo a while ago of 1 John 4:19 "We love because he first loved us..." to remind me to love others, and myself, just as - and right where - they are. I have found that is much easier said than done.
The "myself" idea comes into play because I too make mistakes (SHOCKER), or don't perform to par of my own expectations and I seem to be my worst critic. Instead of forgiving and loving myself in those instances, I beat myself up to sometimes an unreasonable place.
At the end of the day it's all about love. Love for myself and love for others, and that's what I need to remember. Setting the Ego aside and realizing when it's the Ego being hurt rather than my true-self.
That realization is amazing, powerful and hard.
I wish all of my family and friends nothing but the best, ALWAYS! Even those who are no longer on my path.
2014 will be filled with even more change and I want to walk into that with a healthy perspective.
To those of you still with me, thank you. To those of you not, still... Thank you and good luck. <3
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